WAYWARD MUSINGS OF A PETTY-BOURGEOIS INTELLECTUAL / PAGBUBULAY-BULAY NG ISANG INTELEKTWAL NA SAMPAY-BAKOD

PAGBUBULAY-BULAY NG ISANG PETIBURGIS NA INTELEKTWAL










Nang ika-10 gulang, nagnais akong matuto’t maging marunong
Nang ika-15 gulang, nabatid kong tama ang gurong Mang Andoy
Nang ika-21 gulang, natiyak ko na ang daan
Nang ika-30 gulang, nasulyapan ko na ang guhit-tagpuang abot-tanaw
Nang ika-36 gulang, nabilibid ako sa kasong pakikiapid (natiklo, ay malas!)
Nang ika-40 gulang, nagpasiya akong pwede nang makipag-sapalarang mag-isa
Nang ika-50 gulang, bayad na ako sa mga utang at butaw

Handa na akong umakyat sa bundok—

Napaglirip sa panahon ng paglalakbay hanggang dito, palipat-lipat ang diwa


Sa pagitan ng ibong makulay ang bagwis

nakatuon sa panaginip at pantasiya

At isdang nagtatampisaw sa putik, matimtimang dumaranas

ng udyok at simbuyo ng damdamin….

Hinahangad ko mula ngayon, sa kabila ng gulo’t panganib ng kapaligiran,

Sundin ang dragon ng isip, matimyas na pagnanais makahulagpos

Upang sa gayon makaigpaw sa bangin at makatawid

sa talampas at matarik na dalisdis ng bundok

Yapos ang ibong pumailanlang at isdang sumisid

sa pusod ng kaluluwa.

_____________________

WAYWARD. MUSINGS. OF. A PETTY-BOURGEOIS INTELLECTUAL

When I was ten-years old, I wanted to learn and become wise
When I was fifteen, I understood that my teacher Andoy was correct
When I turned twenty-one, I was sure of the Way
When I became 30 years old, I glimpsed the horizon within reach
When I turned thirty-six, I was imprisoned for adultery (betrayed, alas!)
When I reached forty, I decided that I can strike alone in life’s adventure
When I arrived at fifty years old, I paid all my debts and taxes

Prepared to climb the mountain,
I reflected on the trek up to here, my mind flitting here and there,
Between that multicolored bird, its wings flashing
aimed at dreams and fantasies
And the fish leaping, frolicking in the mud, experiencing to the utmost
the blows and tugs of impulses….

I desired from now on, pushed and pulled here and there by the turbulence and sur rounding danger,
To follow the dragon of the mind, deeply craving to burst through,
So that I can transcend and leap over this chasm, clambering to the other side
Crossing the chasm and cling to the cliff and the tortuous mountain-side,
Embracing that bird soaring above
and the fish diving deep into the belly, the cloaca of the soul.